Someone please explain this to me

I dreamed last night that I was at work trying to upload a photo to some weird internet site when one of those windows popped up asking me a question. I clicked "Yes" before it registered in my brain that the question it asked was a strange one, not one of the normal internet pop up questions.

Then the screen changed and it became clear that I had launched a missile attack on Albania.

There were REAL missiles headed toward the REAL Mediterranean country. BECAUSE OF ME.

I went to myself "Oh crap! Undo! Undo!" to no avail. My boss, of course, realized my panic and was like, "Well now look what you've done."

So I did the only thing I could think to do. I grabbed the phone, dialed the Pentagon and asked for General Petraeus. Miraculously (hello, this is a dream, people.) I was patched through in about 5 seconds.

"Um, hello?" I said. "I accidentally launched a fleet of missiles at Albania?"

Petraeus barked a couple of reproachful statements at me before telling me he'd take care of it and hanging up.

Then all kinds of crazy stuff started happening. My company immediately launched an investigation into everything I did online while at work (YIKES!). I was put on "temporary leave" until I'd be officially fired.

I seem to remember that it was about this point that the men in black suits started showing up and Lin and I took off on the run from the Feds.

SWEET. At least until they caught us (inevitable) and started questioning us.

I remember they hooked my brain up to a machine and played heart-wrenching news stories to see if I responded with the appropriate emotions (I guess to make sure I'm not a sociopath?).

I somehow managed to escape again and ran toward a field filled with giant, colorful hot air balloons. All I could think was "OK, maybe I could hijack one of these things, but they're very hard to steer and how could Lin know where I was?"

I'm pretty sure I woke up at that point.

This is what I get for setting my alarm clock to play talk radio.

Also, person with the best interpretation wins a prize a.ka. my eternal thanks.

My own personal serenity prayer

That title is not at all trite.

I've been going through a kind of identity crisis lately. I don't know how much of it shows outwardly, but inside, I'm in turmoil.

I told my little brother not too long ago that I am so tired of being me. I would like to run away from myself. The problem is that I follow me wherever I go.

There is so much in this world to love, I know. I have loved it before -- the sun on my face and the bright green of high summer. The smell of growing things. Warm rain, warm skin of a hand in my own.

This anxiety that boils inside of me numbs me to all of that. When I'm afraid like this, afraid of who I am, I can't feel anything but fear. And that inability to feel makes me afraid of never being happy. It's a horrible cycle, and I don't know how to escape.

What can I do but look to the only one who knows the real me and loves me anyway? Give me peace, God.

Amen.